So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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