I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
