we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i believe in u and ur pee
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
