Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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