If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
