No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
