I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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