i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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