drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
