I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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