im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
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He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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