she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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