it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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