C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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