He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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