I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
