guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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