let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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