so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
