i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
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Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me