My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
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if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?