ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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