I wanna passion pit in your ass
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.