Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?