We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
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my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
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When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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