Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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