So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
