Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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