i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
