My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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