fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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