I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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