I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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