I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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