The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
