Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
