She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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