She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
