Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
