How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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