Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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