Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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