I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
