Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
