I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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