You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
