I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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