I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
