wanna go halves on a baby?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
