That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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