So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
