I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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