I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
as a side note pls kill me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
