I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
