if i can run in heels then i can drive
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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