Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
