I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this