Texts From Last Night

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.

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  (613): Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing. http://tfl.nu/hxx0
  Replies (37) Good night (4404) Bad night (733)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5860) Bad night (1484)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

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  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (1022) Bad night (5735)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

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  (856): It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore. http://tfl.nu/4nio
  Replies (9) Good night (1510) Bad night (4536)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

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  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (6057) Bad night (1195)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.

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  (414): Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch. http://tfl.nu/js8y
  Replies (5) Good night (4678) Bad night (731)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

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  (978): I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina. (978): Thats a chance were just gonna have to take http://tfl.nu/hpgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1726) Bad night (821)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He makes me want to shower. It must be love.

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  (406): He makes me want to shower. It must be love. http://tfl.nu/y7mq
  Replies (4) Good night (809) Bad night (1001)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist

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  (619): No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist http://tfl.nu/96uk
  Replies (7) Good night (1257) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL

  (1-714): View more from California

  Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!

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  (714): BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL (1-714): Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky! http://tfl.nu/0qet
  Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (594)
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  (310): View more from California

  Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.

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  (310): Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim. http://tfl.nu/t01v
  Replies (1) Good night (1019) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."

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  (813): So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past." http://tfl.nu/7k27
  Replies (5) Good night (1157) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant

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  (609): Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant http://tfl.nu/a3fb
  Replies (5) Good night (277) Bad night (907)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.

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  (423): New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class. http://tfl.nu/ex1j
  Replies (0) Good night (289) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.

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  (714): I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too. http://tfl.nu/il0e
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (224)

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