brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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