I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
