two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
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I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.