so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
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No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.