Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  I regularly think about how cool your nickname is

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  (818): I regularly think about how cool your nickname is http://tfl.nu/glb5
  Replies (3) Good night (2085) Bad night (1178)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.

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  (410): I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/e026
  Replies (8) Good night (1800) Bad night (477)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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  (513): I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear. http://tfl.nu/d8gq
  Replies (31) Good night (892) Bad night (11277)
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  (626): View more from California

  you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay

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  (626): you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay http://tfl.nu/yxo6
  Replies (10) Good night (880) Bad night (4714)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.

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  (213): Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain. http://tfl.nu/121u
  Replies (3) Good night (2270) Bad night (1103)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun

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  (315): I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun http://tfl.nu/s1lu
  Replies (3) Good night (1630) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you

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  (512): By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you http://tfl.nu/3p9a
  Replies (10) Good night (851) Bad night (1456)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.

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  (716): it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours. http://tfl.nu/lt62
  Replies (3) Good night (1590) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience

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  (620): We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience http://tfl.nu/dzei
  Replies (8) Good night (1794) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.

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  (207): you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy. http://tfl.nu/cio1
  Replies (6) Good night (1621) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch

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  (309): I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch http://tfl.nu/5u8w
  Replies (7) Good night (573) Bad night (1188)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.

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  (412): Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it. http://tfl.nu/10d1
  Replies (6) Good night (1076) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.

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  (252): It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless. http://tfl.nu/axbx
  Replies (3) Good night (395) Bad night (200)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.

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  (203): Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today. http://tfl.nu/77td
  Replies (0) Good night (480) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.

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  (970): You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock. http://tfl.nu/iwwh
  Replies (2) Good night (904) Bad night (198)

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