bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting