I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When did angry sex become our thing?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
