I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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