She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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