C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
