i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
