I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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