If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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