so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
