I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
