I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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