uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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