Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
