the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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