saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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