just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
