we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i think my cat just said my name.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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