Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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