You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
