She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
