he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
