So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
