The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
