We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
