I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize