And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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