why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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