good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
