Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Come see our sink grown plant.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
