Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
