At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
