why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
