if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dear god my vagina.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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