I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
