WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
